I chose to leave my 'day job' before Christmas after saving up two months living costs and deciding I just couldn't face creeping into my 30's without at least pushing myself to try and succeed in what I have been trying to do since I learnt to 'colour in'.
I have always associated having a regular income with security, growing up with parents who ran their own business from home. The business failed after many years of bad decisions, bad luck and a bad economy.
I could not see the advantages of all the chaos and unknowns that seemed to surround the way our lives were and it made more sense to me to have a regular job and income since school.
This has meant I have kept artwork as a hobby, that pays now and then, for the past fifteen years.
I have very rarely questioned my value at work, and mainly felt incredibly lucky and flattered when people were happy to employ me.
What I began to realise, after the initial novelty of a new work place, new discounts, new responsibilties, is that however I would perform or push myself, there was always a limit on my income. I would still recieve the same paid amount every month, whether it was a hugely successful one or not. Now and then there would be bonuses and incentives in larger companies, but these didn't often reflect the effort required to obtain them... and I kept thinking... yes, I could move up the pay scale in a company.. but what if there was no limit on what I could make for myself?
I think no-matter how stressful and crazy growing up with self employed parents was, the need for freedom of choice finally crept up on me through the years and I felt more and more resistant to dragging myself out of bed to make someone elses dream happen when all I wanted was the freedom to stay up all night and paint if I felt like it, or to not have to schedule times where I could be creative.
When you look back in one perspective, you only see what you want to see.
Now I try to look at the amazing things my parents made happen with their business. I have fond memories of rollerskating around their huge workshop when they employed a team of people, frantically packing our bags for holidays to faraway places....driving all the way to Scotland in a campervan with no time restraint or plan..... and mum always being there, making endless cups of tea and popping to the bakery down the road for freshly baked bread :)
My thirty years on this lovely planet have taught me that trying always feels better than accepting your fate and moaning how its not fair. I am not a person motivated by money, but I am motivated by living a life rich in fun and freedom, so lets see what happens :)
I will finish with a painting I made after receiving my first set of watercolor paints for Christmas when I was eight :)